3 Cs of Relationship: Communication, Consent, Contraception

3 Cs of Relationship: Communication, Consent, Contraception

- by Prativa

Unlike the famous love author Sara Naveed, who said, “there is nothing right or wrong in love,” I believe that a foundation of 'rights' is essential to make any relationship of love work. Throughout the course of our lifetime, we are bound to meet infinite individuals with whom we would share different parts of us and connect through each unique element. Regardless of how we choose to navigate these relationships, communication and consent become the top priority of ‘right’ things for all involved individuals to remain on the same page. Especially if this relationship involves establishing physical and emotional intimacy with people, and your life goals don't necessarily include a baby or a monogamous relationship - contraception comes right after as another priority.

Effective communication is the key to a healthy relationship in any context. It helps understand each other's behavior and perceptions, bridging potential gaps between partners. While every relationship is unique and has its own set of ups and downs, being able to openly communicate with your partner allows you to discuss your concerns, offer support to one another, and collaboratively resolve conflicts more successfully. Our needs are met only when we openly communicate them to our partners and vice-versa.

Following open communication comes the absolutely needed conversation about contraception. Often, individuals succumb to pressure and engage in intimate relationships without contraception. I remember when this guy I was with told me how “he doesn’t do condoms”. I communicated with him about my fear of STIs and pregnancy, and persisted to stop on our way to buy some condoms. I felt empowered being able to communicate my needs and confront his dismissiveness about condoms as I walked into the department store and picked up that packet of Durex. But that feeling faded equally quickly as that pack of condoms stayed on the side table throughout our time together, untouched.

“Hey”, he teased playfully on our way back, “we forgot the condoms”. “Yeah”, I smiled back with guilt. It was almost like my determination for communication and contraception got drowned as we started making out, and all he had to do was nudge me a bit more to keep going on. My brain kept reminding me how it is wrong, but it also had a hard time trying to repeat “let’s use condom”. Regardless of what I had going on my mind, I could not remind him of condoms out loud, and honestly, it felt easier to just carry on without than to “kill the mood” by trying to bring it up again. At the moment, it felt easier that way, but over time, the potential consequences weighed heavily on my mind. Given the relationship was casual, and we were probably seeing multiple partners, both of us were involved at a high risk of contracting any form of STIs. Luckily, I did not contract an STI or become pregnant but had a mini upsurge of yeast infection, which my gynaecologist reassured me might not be directly linked to the no-condom incident. Regardless, I stopped seeing him and stepped back for some personal time before starting any relationship again.

I am sure most of us could relate to a situation similar to mine, and the bottom line still stands strong- it is always better to “kill the mood” during the moment than to spend the rest of your coming cycle in fear and uncertainty. Good communication can lead to a deeper connection and increased intimacy in your relationship, and if discussing contraception jeopardises your relationship, perhaps there was no mutual understanding and connection in the first place. Even in monogamous couples, research  indicates that communication about family planning leads to increased contraception use. This shows that if your relationship is indeed concrete, consent and contraception remain hand in hand. The shift in the power of decision-making within partners is oftent biased, and it is time we start making the collective effort to establish relationships only with a common ground of 3Cs: Communication, Consent, and Contraception. As we navigate the complex landscape of love, let the 3 Cs be our guiding principles, fostering relationships that are not only fulfilling but also built on a foundation of respect, understanding, and responsibility.